An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “I have your test results. I have bad news for you. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer’s.”
.The old man says, “It is not so bad. I don’t have cancer!”
A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Does your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he does it all by himself.
“Where is the manager?”
“He is on the phone. It’s his wife.”
“How do you know that it is his wife?”
“Because he is not saying anything.”
A: I’m in big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: There is a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don’t have a trap.
B: Well, buy one.
A: I don’t have any money.
B: I can give you my trap if you want.
A: Great. Thank you.
B: All you need to do is just put some cheese in the trap, then the mouse will come to the trap.
A: I don’t have any cheese.
B: Okay, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil on it and put it in the trap.
A: I don’t have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don’t have any bread.
B: I don’t understand. What is the mouse doing at your house?!
“Doctor, I think there’s something wrong with my eyes.”
“I think so too. This is a post office.”
The boss asks his blonde secretary, “What is in my diary this week?”
The blonde secretary answers, “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday…”
A man calls the office of an airline. He asks, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The office worker says, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” says the man and hangs up.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: I live with my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: They live with me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Police: Where is your house?
Me: It is next to my neighbors’ house.
Police: Where is your neighbors’ house?
Me: I‘ll tell you but you won‘t believe me.
Police: Tell me…
Me: It is next to my house…
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. So I am perfect.